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Living In A Brown Family vs Living In a White Family

A little thing to know about me- I'm brown or more specifically Indian, and I've picked up on a couple things that are different between the ways of my family and a white family and things we as browns have to go through which a British (or any other white) family won't have to.Plus, one of my friends told me that this also applies to African families.So, I am going to write scenarios and what would happen during different occasions or compare the reactions. Also, I do not mean to offend anyone as this post is just for fun, is mostly stereotypical, and if you do get offended I'm Sowry.

School Reports-Brown Family

Okay so you received your school report today (or got a grade for an assessment), and you're on your way home. You have got a B by the way. Happily you walk into your house and your dad is on the sofa sipping his chai. Then you drop all your bags and everything getting ready to show off the B you got.

"Papa, I got a B today in science!" you say. Your dad stops drinking his tea and  places the cup down on the table.

"What you say?" he asks.

"B. I got B." the smile gradually slips off your face.

"Show me the paper. Give it here." he tells you and you pass the booklet to him. "What re! Last time you also got B, where is the A?"

"But-"

"No shut up! Last time you got B, this time you also get B, huh? You know why? All the time laptop or TV. tut tut I simply got you that phone, what it is- ah ya fashebook, everyday! Now go study! See if I don't get A next time... You watch out..."

School Reports- White Family

Okay so you received your school report today (or got a grade for an assessment), and you're on your way home. You have got a B by the way. Happily you walk into your house and your dad is on the sofa sipping his coffee. Then you drop all your bags and everything getting ready to show off the B you got.

"Dad! I got a B in science!" you say. Your dad stops drinking his coffee and  places the cup down on the coaster.

"Oh well done child! I am so proud of you!"he replies. " See now I'm definitely getting you that new phone, I can't tell you how proud I am! Come here- gimme a hug!"

Desi Aunties

This one is so frustrating! White people do not have them and let me tell you, you are SO lucky. As all brown people are somehow related to each other, ,whether it be your aunty, uncle, chacha, chachi, maami, maasi, so the chances of them seeing you are huge. These aunties may not even be related to you directly but may somehow be through your grandma's fifth family's cousins( I don't know don't ask me). Most importantly, they don't need food. Nope. Their daily bread is gossip, gossip half of which is not even true. Each aunty will add a little bit of their own Garam Masala to the news. Imagine this scenario. You are in Tesco's buying, let's say tomatoes- don't laugh, you have no idea of the importance of tomatoes in a brown family- and a boy/girl(obviously of the opposite sex) comes up to you to say hi. You're there having a lovely chat about school or whatever whilst gathering tomatoes, no touching - nothing. No problem. Or so  you think. What you didn't see is the Desi Aunty observing you from behind the Flip-Flops that are on sale. Now when this Aunty, whoever she is, gets home and puts all her rotis (tortilla wraps) in the fridge along with all her other groceries, she will pick up that phone and dial another Desi Aunty to tell her about you and that boy in Tesco. However, as I said, she will add her own spice mix to it, so you just talking to that boy will turn into: "Ha, mehne dekha! Sapna's daughter. Ya it was her only! She was with that ghora ladka, and holding hands and all!". Now the Desi aunty at the receiving end will call another Aunty with her own masala a bit like: "Yeh zamana ko kya hua! That Sapna's daughter yeah! Lucy just told me, she was in Tesco na. She was kissing that boy! Such!". This will go on and on until it comes to the part when you are apparently going to marry that boy. See- this is scary.

 The Awkward Kissing Scene

This one occurred just last week to me when me and my family were sat down enjoying 'Titanic' , I mean what a classic film. I also agree that this does occur in both Brown and White families but Brown families are so much more awkward.

Brown Fam

You are sat down with your parents and the rest of your family enjoying the movie, when suddenly the main actor starts to lean in and kiss the main actress. You start squirming in your seat and adverting your eyes. Whilst doing so, you lock eyes with your Dad - who now has a look of disgust on his face. You awkwardly get up and say you're going to get more popcorn. Your mum stares at you and looks down at your full bowl of popcorn. By this time, the couple on T.V are furiously making out. You are standing there racking your brains for another excuse to get out of the room and just when you're about to state that you are going to the toilet, your dad starts talking...

"You must also be doing this na? Kissing bissing. I know everything. You also want na boyfriend? shee shee shee You know when I was your age, if my parents saw this I would get a slap and hot caylato. Oh yeah, I remembered - when you want to marry then? When you are 22?"

" My days, Dad! I'm just a teenager!" You reply, face palming at the same time.

" Okay, I know everything! You want that Tom Cruiser like boy now? What happened to Rajesh Khanna? Ghora Ladka chahiye?" your dad asks.

White Fam

You are sat down with your parents and the rest of your family enjoying the movie, when suddenly the main actor starts to lean in and kiss the main actress. You start squirming in your seat and adverting your eyes. Your mum is smiling and says, "Aw that's so cute!"  By this time, the couple on T.V are furiously making out.

" Well they're getting into it aren't they" Your dad says. You cover your face and lean back as far as you can into the sofa.

Talking on The Phone To Parents In front Of Your Friends

This is when most of your friends , white and brown, will take the piss.

Bring-Bring! Bring-Bring! Oh crap! You are in town and your phone starts ringing, it's your Mum. *If you're not already shaking with fear- you must be really brave.* Now you try to part yourself from the group of wild monkey like friends, some of who follow you. You answer the call and put your Indian accent on.

"Hallo mummy?" you say.

"Ha beti. You ate food?" mum replies.

"Yeah mummy just now."

"Acha. When you coming home?" she asks. This is the time -as usual- you friends start shouting crude sexual things out or ask you for weed or something. You turn around and glare at them.

"Haaalllo? Hai kya? Beti what they saying? Wait- you got boys there? Just see now what I'll do. You just come home, the slipper will be waiting for you!"

"But mummy-" your mum disconnects the phone. As if the shouting on the phone wasn't enough, your friends start mimicking your conversation in the worst accent ever. You now wish the ground would swallow you up.

I hope you enjoyed that, and I apologize for all the "you"s in this post, but it was quite hard writing in the present tense and adding time-connectives and stuff. And I LOVE YOU MUM AND DAD! This actually took ages to think of as my mind was blank, and my next post will probably be sooner.

Next Post on Saturday. Bye bye xx